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And so it starts...


I have decided to create this account so I will have a place to express my thoughts and feelings freely without fear of being judged.  I dont know if anybody will ever read this blog but if there is, I apologize now for all the gramar and spelling errors that I know I WILL make. This will be my honest blog and I promise to just write whatever I am feeling or is in my mind the moment I start writing it, when I am done I wont even read it over. I'll just click post and hope I dont sound too dramatic with whatever I wrote. HA! It will probably be mostly rambling and complaining but whatever... Its my blog, I write what I want you dont have to read it if you dont want to.  You are allowed to comment if you want. I dont care if it's mean or not. I only want honesty from who ever reads my blog (if I do end up having readers). I am sick and tired of fake two faced people and I hope the anymonity that the internet offers will give people courage to be more honest.

So this all starts with me talking about my disappointment with change.  Change is good, most of the time, but when it's not... it can get reallyreally unbearable, specially when it deals with friendship.  I have a friend.. let's call him Docs.  Docs and i have been friends since our freshmen year of high school. He was one of the nicest guys i have ever known, because of this a lot of people would take advantage of him and treat him like crap. I have always stuck to his side and comforted him when he bitched and cried about all the shit those idiots make him go through. What pissed me off the most was the fact that He let those idiots treat him like that though, because Docs is the type of person who would do anything, take anything just to be included and be looked up to.  He's always wanted to be 'top dog' and he couldnt do be that if he was going to talk shit to people who could make him one.  Earlier when i said that he would do anything to be in with the idiots it means that he would even toss aside a friend who has stuck by his side for a long time (aka me).  See, the idiots noticed how much Docs and i spent with each other and started making assumptions on what my and Docs relationship is.  I gotta mention that im more on the "fuck off" range in the girlyness scale so im not really an asset to the top dog candidate, granted that Docs and I werent dating(or anything remotely close to that), that didnt stop the idiots from giving poor little Docs shit over it.  So what does young, gallant Docs do instead of defending our friendship(which is purely platonic)?  He tells the idiots(and anyone who would listen) that the only reason that he hangs around me is because he felt SORRY for me and that he's tried to get rid of me plenty of times but i stick to him like a leech because I dont have any other friends than him... So I totally get pissed and stop talking to the dickhead and stick with my other friends who he claimed i didnt have. He totally gets special top dog position with the idiots since apparently being a dickhead to your bestfriend is a trait that is considered 'cool'.  So the years pass and Doc gets to keep his top dog position but must continually mentain the dickhead persona.  So he continues to talk shit about me whenever given the chance, it's his forte anyway since he knows so much about me and all.  And i let him... Why you might ask.... it's because when the idiots decide that they want to give Docs shit and treat him like crap, dickhead calls me and bitches and cries to me.  It's because he's surrounded himself with idiotic pricks who he call friends, but to them he's just a bitch who would do anything and take anything to be one of them.  It's because i know that im the only one left who would still be willing to be friends with him.  It's because Im the only person who believes that the old him is still there. He is still one of my friends that I keep close to my heart and worry about every single day. He has changed for the worst but im still hoping that the old Docs will come back.

blahhhhhhhh.
-_-

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
killing_charm
Aug. 17th, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC)
uh that's pretty shit situation you are in.
i had kinda similar to it [apart from the part he was saying these things to me] and i surely know what it feels like when someone who meant a lot for you changes.
but you know what .. i'm pretty sure that sooner or later he will get that it was not the right choice he made. and the old Docs will be back. it's just a matter of time. :)
oh, and welcome to livejournal. :)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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