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Sitting out of work out

I dislocated my shoulder on Friday and therefore am not allowed to do shit today. I feel like one of those kids who fake injuries to get out of work....

Since I'm not really hurting... Blahhh... Whatever. Commander told me not to do shit today... Something about health...

Pissed as I am right now... I do enjoy watching ROTC guys work out though... I never really noticed it, but these chuckleheads look damn fine when their sweating and stretching... gah...

I seriously need to get laid....

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It's been a while...

School has been a bitch and iam just taking a break from reality right now and updating...
Nothing interesting has really happened other than me meeting this guy named Andrew (but all the ROTC kids call him Cadillac). He's in my ROTC PT class.  He's not my usual type but he seems pretty cool; kinda full of himself, but not so much that it makes me want to sucker punch him... so we'll see where this goes...

Lots of really annoying new kids at my school this year.  I hate those overly eager kids that always asks you questions. Blahhhhhh!!!!!. makes me want to kick them in the face.

I quit my job a few days ago. I just couldnt do it with all my schoolwork and ROTC&Theater Activities. Besides, the manager was a freaking bitch-ass SOB. Im surprised I lasted as long as i did working for that bastard. GAHHHHHHHHHH.... Now Im back to living off of my parents. SweetLIFE!. -__-

Im going to New Mexico next week for some leadership training type thing that all the ROTC officers& chiefs have to go to.  I dont know how to feel about it. I wanna get out of this town(even if it is just for a weekend) but at the same time... I am way to lazy to be doing shit while I am out of town. BLAHHH.

unfortunately i have to get back to my Govt homework.

The Weekend...

I ended up going to Docs and Clay's party because my friend Erick asked me to be his date(aka designated driver :P).  It was really awkward at first because Doc really didnt want me there, but clay was one of my pretty good friends so he couldnt really kick me out or anything.  Over all the party was pretty good, i ended up avoiding Docs the whole night until my 'date' passed out around 2-ish and I needed help from someone to carry him over to his car... And Thanks to Murphy's Law: Docs was the only person sober enough to walk and we were his 'guests' so he helped me out. I was expecting some snide remarks as he was helping  me with erick but he was actually well behaved and before i got to the driver side he tells me to "Be careful with this guy. He's a peice of work." then he just leaves without letting me say anything back.


What does that mean?

Anyway, Today was the first day of my Last year of HighSchool. I only went to half of my classes today since the administration messed up my schedule... again... blahhhh
There was this hott guy in my English Class his name was Brandon or Braeden...(Bra-something)
My Physics Teacher is hilarious. I have a feeling he's going to be my favorite. :p
I have Docs in ROTC (as expected) blahhh.
I just found out that I have to talk 2 more ROTC classes.
I also found out that Im Miss Davila's Theater aid for 3 of her Theater 1 classes. (there goes my 3 senior opens)
I have my exboyfriend, Jake in 4 of the 5 classes that i went to today. Idk about the other 5 yet. -__-
I am meeting a Navy Recruiter after school tomorrow to talk about me applying for a Navy Scholarship.

Interesting Turn of events...

So I was at starbucks this morning getting my daily dose of caffeine when I hear a very high pitched voice screech: "CASSSSSSAAAANDRA!!!".


I already knew who it was even before I turned around.
Partly because it's not my real name and only two people have really ever called me cassandra: Docs and his mother.

And considering the fact that it was a female voice and that Docs hasnt talked to me in almost 5 months, I assumed it was his mother even before I saw that it was her. 

So, there we were making small talk, she asked me how my mother was doing and how work was doing and how was my summer going... I answered every single one of her questions without falter until she asked me how come I never hang around their house anymore, that was when i just smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders. 
I have a feeling that she doesnt have a clue that his has been a dickhead to me for the past 2 and a half years because she invites me to Docs' (and Clay's) joint 18thBirthday/EndoftheSummer Party.  As she was telling me about it all I could think was:  how very gay of them.


I told her I'll try to go and then went away.

Take note that I really was NOT planning on going but I was just being polite.

Two hours later, I get a call from Docs and I quote him: "I don't know what you told my mother but I do not want you there". I laugh at him and hung up.  Now I am seriously considering going just to piss him off. That would be epic.

Where's my Waldo?

Gah. What the hell? Since when have I been such a raging cynical bitch?... Goodness. I used to be this little giggly-over-everything-romantic type kid. Now I seem to have lost faith in everything that has to do with love.  I am so repulsed by the thought of dating anyone. It's like I always have reasons to not even consider a guy when they ask me on a date.  But seriously though! Who can blame me?... Guys my age are just plain idiots who only think with their penises(this usually applies to ALL guys no matter the age though). Its like they're all in this competition to fuck as many girls as they can. College guys going for highschool girls are just sad. Granted that Im already 18 and Im going to be a senior next year, still, how much of a loser can you be that you cant even get girls your own age and result to hitting on poor innocent little highschool girls. I know im not innocent but still, he dont know that. blahhhh. what the hell? Why do guys have to be ridiculously stupid and idiotic. GROW UP ALREADY!!!! geez.

Gah. I am such a bitch. -__-

And so it starts...

I have decided to create this account so I will have a place to express my thoughts and feelings freely without fear of being judged.  I dont know if anybody will ever read this blog but if there is, I apologize now for all the gramar and spelling errors that I know I WILL make. This will be my honest blog and I promise to just write whatever I am feeling or is in my mind the moment I start writing it, when I am done I wont even read it over. I'll just click post and hope I dont sound too dramatic with whatever I wrote. HA! It will probably be mostly rambling and complaining but whatever... Its my blog, I write what I want you dont have to read it if you dont want to.  You are allowed to comment if you want. I dont care if it's mean or not. I only want honesty from who ever reads my blog (if I do end up having readers). I am sick and tired of fake two faced people and I hope the anymonity that the internet offers will give people courage to be more honest.

So this all starts with me talking about my disappointment with change.  Change is good, most of the time, but when it's not... it can get reallyreally unbearable, specially when it deals with friendship.  I have a friend.. let's call him Docs.  Docs and i have been friends since our freshmen year of high school. He was one of the nicest guys i have ever known, because of this a lot of people would take advantage of him and treat him like crap. I have always stuck to his side and comforted him when he bitched and cried about all the shit those idiots make him go through. What pissed me off the most was the fact that He let those idiots treat him like that though, because Docs is the type of person who would do anything, take anything just to be included and be looked up to.  He's always wanted to be 'top dog' and he couldnt do be that if he was going to talk shit to people who could make him one.  Earlier when i said that he would do anything to be in with the idiots it means that he would even toss aside a friend who has stuck by his side for a long time (aka me).  See, the idiots noticed how much Docs and i spent with each other and started making assumptions on what my and Docs relationship is.  I gotta mention that im more on the "fuck off" range in the girlyness scale so im not really an asset to the top dog candidate, granted that Docs and I werent dating(or anything remotely close to that), that didnt stop the idiots from giving poor little Docs shit over it.  So what does young, gallant Docs do instead of defending our friendship(which is purely platonic)?  He tells the idiots(and anyone who would listen) that the only reason that he hangs around me is because he felt SORRY for me and that he's tried to get rid of me plenty of times but i stick to him like a leech because I dont have any other friends than him... So I totally get pissed and stop talking to the dickhead and stick with my other friends who he claimed i didnt have. He totally gets special top dog position with the idiots since apparently being a dickhead to your bestfriend is a trait that is considered 'cool'.  So the years pass and Doc gets to keep his top dog position but must continually mentain the dickhead persona.  So he continues to talk shit about me whenever given the chance, it's his forte anyway since he knows so much about me and all.  And i let him... Why you might ask.... it's because when the idiots decide that they want to give Docs shit and treat him like crap, dickhead calls me and bitches and cries to me.  It's because he's surrounded himself with idiotic pricks who he call friends, but to them he's just a bitch who would do anything and take anything to be one of them.  It's because i know that im the only one left who would still be willing to be friends with him.  It's because Im the only person who believes that the old him is still there. He is still one of my friends that I keep close to my heart and worry about every single day. He has changed for the worst but im still hoping that the old Docs will come back.